Comms Lessons from my Mama #1

We are often quick to get expert views from lecturers, professionals in the field, books or even news articles, but let me tell you that none of these can match what you learn from a parent. My mom and dad are a gold mine of knowledge, and I have seen them model what they believe in extraordinary ways.

Growing up, the best way my mom would navigate a difficult conversation with me (especially when I was in the wrong), was to give me a hiding, one that would leave a sting stronger than any bee. On most occasions it was well deserved on my part!

Now that I am much older, navigating difficult conversations has proved to be much harder. I have observed the way my mom has handled conversations over the years, and I think I have nailed the formula. I use a five-step process called

F-I-R-E.

Conversations are always meant to have an outcome, whether big or small, positive or negative. See the five-step process below:

F – Frame what you want to talk about

I – Indicate your desired outcome

R – Resolve and future-proof

E – Engage further

My mom likes to prepare for complex conversations. That way, it helps the parties involved to treat the conversation with the seriousness it deserves. There are times when a conversation cannot be prepared, and so you would have to tread carefully in the moment, but if you are able to frame what you want to talk about, that will help serve as a guide throughout the conversation.

It is also helpful to indicate from the start, what your desired outcome is. This helps all parties involved to understand the direction the conversation needs to take to get there. It does not automatically mean that will happen, but it is good to keep in mind.

Depending on the type of conversation, it is crucial to analyse the underlying issues and concerns before taking steps to address them. By actively listening to all parties involved and showing empathy, you can create an environment for open dialogue and problem-solving.

Resolving a problem within a difficult conversation involves more than just finding a quick fix; it requires a thoughtful approach that considers the perspectives and feelings of everyone involved. It is essential to seek common ground and work towards a mutually beneficial solution. Future-proofing the outcome of a conversation involves anticipating potential challenges or obstacles that may arise in the future. By addressing these proactively, you can prevent similar issues from reoccurring and ensure a more reasonable resolution. 

Embrace the opportunity presented by the conversation to not only address the immediate issue but also to strengthen relationships and foster better communication moving forward. Time is a valuable resource, and it is important to make the most of the present moment to reach a satisfactory conclusion.

Keep the engagement going beyond a single conversation, especially if it's difficult. Review and plan for further engagement once the initial conversation is complete. Engage further, always.